The Guide to Being a Good Host
by NinjaPower
Summary: Want to be a host? Want to be the adoration of many? Well, we are the answer to your troubles! For I, Tamaki Suoh, and my fellow friends, otherwise known as fellow hosts, shall help you on your goal to being the Greatest Host in existence! RxR
1. Introduction

The Guide to being a host

Chapter 1- Welcome

Welcome potential host,

You are on the crossroad of life; to host or not to host. Well my friend, I have the answer. The answer is to most definitely host! Hosting brings the most wonderful gift in life; charm, class, and attractiveness! And if you decide to host, which you will, you're in the right spot. Here you can learn from the best, I Tamaki Suou, will help you with the help of my fellow friends/hosts. Our team is made up of experts of their field. We can teach you how to become any type you like. Want to be a Bad boy? Yes Siree! Lolishita? We have the respectable, Honey here to teach you!

Becoming a host is not very easy, one must know what exactly to say and how to flower attention among your customers, but you are on the right path for asking help from the expert such as myself. The right teacher will most definitely make a good host!

To successfully be a good host, you must know your customers; you essentially must BE your customer. Sell yourself, expose everything! Love your customers and they will love you back. Prepare for the long journey ahead, but do not worry, you are not alone. And I solemnly swear to help you every step along the way.

Taking my leave,

Tamaki Suou


	2. The overview

The Guide to being a host

Chapter 2- The overview

Hello, this is Haruhi Fujioka.

I'll being this part of the guide being as I'm the only one with any sanity left. So since it seems that you have decided to try to be host, I'll tell you how this guide is divided up. We'll be breaking this guide up into 6 general sections; prince, devil, lolishita, wild, cool, and natural. In each of those general sections, we'll go over the small specific ones; such as a Bad Boy type in the devil section and so on and so forth. Now we'll be going in order as mention above, so if it is not your section, it would be appreciated if you wait you turn patiently, all sections will be covered eventually. Now for each section there will be the "professional" of the section giving the lessons, but on occasions the rest of us will come in and help. Like for instance, Sempai was supposed to go over the overview, but decided to work on his mushroom garden instead. So I got "asked" to do the part. We hope we can accommodate everybody's' needs and we hope the best out of you.

Sincerely,

Haruhi Fujioka


	3. The Prince Section

The Guide to being a host

Chapter 3- The Prince Section

I'm so very proud of you all, my beloved apprentices! You've chosen wisely. I am so terribly sorry that I could not be will you last time, but my poor daughter broke my heart and left me to cry my tears! But I will be through it, I am strong, and I'll make you strong by being the dream of every girl; the prince who comes to rescue the damsel in distress on a white horse and in the suit of armor carry the sword of truth and justice! When I'm done with you, no girl will be able to resist your wonderful and fantastic charm that shall spread through the world sending happiness!

I shall be you're wonderful teacher for this entire section and I'm honored to be the one to change you from a common frog to a gallant and courageous knight! I remember back in the day that I was a frog, but then a revelation hit me! I then changed and became the best possible prince that I could be. I am the revelation that will hit you and change you and your future forever more. It is very difficult; from the simple things as in how to put down your teacup to the complex things of how to do your hair. How one does his hair is very important to being princely. The number one rule to being the prince type; must have perfect hair at all times! Don't worry about memorizing this now; I shall go over it later. For now, rest your little frog heads and we shall begin next time!

Changing your future,

Tamaki Suou

--author note---

So, what do you guys think about it so far? Need improvements? Comments? Complaints? The chapters are going to get longer later on, but for the introductory chapters are going to be shorter. I really have no idea what you guys are thinking so some comments on what you think will be nice. I'm still going to try and do my best, I never realized how hard it was to imitate Tamaki. Did I do an ok job of it? RxR


	4. What a Prince is Suppose to Be

The Guide to being a host

Chapter 4- What a Prince is suppose to be

A Prince is supposed to be many things and nothing at the same time. Yes, I'm so wise. It's all apart of being a prince type. Now before I can teach you how to be a Prince, you must know what a prince is supposed to be. A prince must be loyal, and gracious and kind. But also know when to be modest. He must be eloquent in his words and move with grace and charm. He must know the right things to say and when to say them. He must be friends to all and enemies to none and fight all injustices of the world! Huh…excuse me for a minute.

What! Unorganized! Confusing! My dear daughter, you slay me with your words! Youch! -Sigh-Yes, mother.

I have been informed that I might be unclear and confusing. Trust me, this isn't the intent, so let me make it up to you by ….making a list!

What a prince is suppose to be

1) Gracious and mannered- A prince cannot go screaming at the top of his lungs about shameful and embarrassing things, such as their troubles or about their lost stuffed animals. One must be poised and clear headed at all times.

2) Honorable and chivalrous- Protect the women and help the little ones! Shield of armor not necessary, but advised. Definitely advised to leave the horse at home. For some odd reason, girls don't like it when you bring a horse inside their house. I personally think that I would be honored if a handsome prince as I came into their house on a noble steed named Benny, though his real name is Benedict François the third, he likes to be called Benny.

3) Graceful and Charming- A prince must appear as if they are always dancing, gliding across the floor, sweeping his lady into a dance. The lady shall sweetly blush and the prince will get his kiss. You must treat every girl like she is a princess and treat to her every whim and _never _upset her. Upsetting her would be like breaking your heart, feeling the pain and blood run from your body, antagonizing the soul until it is mended. This it the ultimate rule of the Prince; Treat every girl like they are a princess and never make them cry…or else face the wrath of my Starlight Kick! Or you could face the wrath of my Lackeys' kicks!

4) Have the proper manners- ranging from how to sip your tea, small quantities at a time, it would be shameful for a prince to die from a burnt tongue, to how you gallantly take all the attention in the room with your princliness! This is a very important part that we shall go very in depth later on.

5) Be fashionable at all times and have perfect hair- Without the hair there is no prince, you would be a prince without the crown, which technically make you a duke or an lord, which is not as great as being a prince. Being the Prince is the best! Yes…perfect hair and clothes, another very important part of it. It would be shameful for a prince to appear in a dress, wouldn't it?

6) Eloquent- you must be a master with words. You must not make words up. They must come from your soul, expressing your love and devote youth. They must come from your heart, no words filled with empty air. Your words must be like little love arrows from Cupid's arsenal. They must penetrate the soul to be true words.

A Prince is very complex and deep, such as I, and this is only the tip of the iceberg, but I wouldn't want to scare you away, would I? I'll slowly ease you into it, so you can adjust to it. Start practicing by being gracious to everyone you see; old ladies, young children, or even the girl you have your eye on across the room. But I'd advise caution on the last one; you never know when a girl carries around a taser.

Hoping the best out of all of you,

Tamaki Suou


	5. How to act Gracious and Chivalrous

The Guide to being a host

Chapter 5- How to Act Gracious and Chivalrous

Welcome again! To those who don't know me, I am Tamaki Suou. Your guider to the more marvelous and amazing life of being a princely host! You'll be loved by many, adored by all, and still have good manners at the same time! Being Gracious and Chivalrous is not an act or a façade, it is a life style, one that you must dedicate your life to. With out that oath of honesty and chivalry, you are a fool! A lying deceitful fool that deserves to face the wrath of Kyoya Ootori! To make sure you do not face the wrath of the likes of Ootori, let me save you by teaching you how to be gracious and chivalrous!

1) Have a horse

A horse is the symbol of Chivalry, keep it and it is the start of being Chivalrous!

2) Have a suit of armor handy-

One needs the proper clothing to be a prince

2) Always use honorifics and be the most polite possible

Even if it is a grandmother on the side of the road, be very polite and treat her as if she was 17! The elderly definitely need graciousness! The rich, the poor, the ugly, the beautiful, they all need the same type of respect. DO SO!

3) Unless you have something good to say, don't say it!

If you are a good student, you would have remembered the last time's rule, and particularly the rule about making no girl cry. It still and forevermore holds. So to prevent any girl from crying, don't say anything bad about them, unless they are a wicked witch, then defeat the evil witch using your horse and suit of armor!

4) Be wise in the skill of exchanging words-

Be able to defend yourself with both words and weapon! Be able to give an inspiring speech at moments notice. Your words have as much influence as your strength. You can save, inspire, and defeat ones with words, how you use it is up to you. How you use your words can separate you from Frog and prince. Be wary!

5) Always keep a handkerchief with you in case a girl starts to cry. Though sometimes one cannot prevent a girl from crying, one must have the proper arsenal to stop it or make it feel better.

6) Always think of others before your self

If you must sacrifice your life for other's happiness, then do so. One more person happy makes a world a better place. This is the ultimate rule of being chivalrous, you must be willing to self sacrifice your own happiness and life.

Know these and you shall be Chivalrous, but not a prince. Being chilvarous is a part of being a prince but not entirely. I know I contradict myself, but soon it shall be clear like the sky in the morning.

Good speed my pupils,

Tamaki

P.S. I have been informed that I forgot to mention needing a sword along with the suit of armor. Silly me!


	6. How to Dress like a Prince

The Guide to being a host

Chapter 6- How to Dress like a Prince

Welcome back, oh my wonderful shining pupil. You have done marvelous so far, but don't think you're a prince type yet. To be a prince, one must not just act like a prince, but look like a prince. The phrase "the clothes make the man" is very important in this situation. How can one be a prince in dirty old clothes? How silly! So to be a prince, you must dress like one. And using my grand expertise, I shall show you exactly how.

1) Must always look spiffy, no rag tag bum stuff for you! It degrades your princeliness and scares all the girls away! Trust me…I know. So anything dirty or ragged, do not wear! A prince must always look orderly and composed. One can't go into a panic attack in the middle of the street and walk away with his pride intact! I am the symbol of orderly and composed!

2) Though a cape and tights aren't necessary, looking your best is a must. Your hair must be done neatly and everything must be tidy. I would be very shameful with your zipper was down.

3) You must wear clothes that make you look cool. Don't try to impersonate anyone else's style. Just because their style looks good on them, doesn't mean it'll look good on you. Everyone can't look good in pink. BAM

This is Haruhi Fujioka. I'm going to take over for Sempai, since he's currently out. Honestly, at this point, he hasn't given you very good advice. Being prince like doesn't really rely on how you look, even the most dirtiest person can still be a prince through his actions. All a prince needs to wear is his heart of gold, or in Tamaki's case. 24k gold (Stupid Rich people). Just to warn you. The shadow King has not been impressed with Sempai's section, so if Tamaki doesn't show up next time, we all know where he is.

Saying Ja ne for Sempai,

Haruhi Fujioka

P.S.

My beloved pupils! Don't tell Kyoya-kun that I'm here, he'll kill me! But no matter what happens next time. You are all successes in my glorious eyes! Do not worry for me. I SHALL SURVIVE!!!


	7. How to Get your Girl part 1

Ouran Host Club

The Guide to being a host

Disclaimer- I do not own any aspect of Ouran Host Club including Tamaki's antics, Haruhi's obliviousness, or Kyoya's evilness. That is all. Enjoy!

Chapter 7- How to get your girl part 1

Welcome back, I survived the torture just for you, my wonderful pupils! It was horrible, darkness everywhere!! Dark…very dark…bad place, no go to bad place anymore…no evil teddy bears…AAAAHHHH!!

--

_This is Haruhi. Tamaki-sempai has gone into overshock. It will only be temporary before he is functioning again. Please bear with us._

-SLAP-

AAAHHHH NO, MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER!!...-looks around- where am I?

_You were freaking out…again and what about me?_

Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Sorry everyone about that, I, the great Tamaki, am back to normal!

_…Right…So let's get started. Kyouya-sempai's compromise for Tamaki-sempai continuing his section was if someone else did it with him. I was unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time again. So now here I am against my will…again._

My daughter, think of it not was being threatened by Kyouya, think of it as helping these lost lambs find their way.

_Into being changed into something that really isn't them?_

No! Into something better, there's nothing better than being a prince! –Sigh- The joys of life.

_Sempai…the section?_

Right! Today, we shall learn something that is imperative for your everlasting happiness…getting your own princesses!

_Why is it plural?_

Having one's own princess can change one's life forever and ever. Having everlasting bliss can rely on this!

_Can I remind you that girls are **not**__property?_

Princesses, Haruhi, not girls. Every prince must have a princess, not a girl. The first step is first appearances! The best way to make a great everlasting impression as a prince is to do something heroic for them. Like saving them from a knave or an evil sorcerer or saving their cat from a tree!

_Or in more realistic terms, being nice to them and complimenting them. First impressions don't have to be grand and probably the girl you're going after is someone you've already known, so first impressions are already done._

But if you're romantic, like everyone should be, you'll find your one true love and win them!

_…just remember that it takes time to find that 'one true' love and that sometimes, to continue with this fairy tale theme, you have to deal with frogs before you find a prince._

Now you're getting it, Haruhi! I'm so proud of you!! This proves that anyone can be changed for the better!

_Isn't this what you said before you tried to make Kyoya-sempai less evil?_

…yes, clearly I am a failure to Kyoya as a friend! For I am unable to persuade him and move him to tears! –fire burns- But I must continue on my long and difficult road to try and save him from his worst enemy-

_Early mornings and natural idiots?_

No…his enemy is the worst enemy ever…himself. Such a horrible fate to have such an enemy, but I believe in Kyoya! If anyone can do it, he can!

_…great, but going back on topic?_

Such as Kyoya will be able to overcome his horrible fate, you can overcome any fears of finding your one true love, too! First step…find her!

…_are you serious!? That's your advice?_

Don't make light of this advice, the wrong girl can ruin your life. You must search far and wide and be cautious. While a girl may seem innocent and fair, she may be a demon in disguise!

Once you find her, find out about her and her background without being obvious of course.

_Are you telling them to become stalkers?_

No, my dear Haruhi, I'm telling them to be the controllers of their own magnificient fate!

Go my pupils! Go find her!

_-sigh- or him._

Farewell until next next. Your dear sensei,

Tamaki Suoh

_And from his assistant,_

_Haruhi Fujioka_

--author's note--

Doesn't this want to make you climb up a tree?

Because it certainly does.

NinjaPower signing out!


	8. How to get your Girl part 2

Ouran Host Club

The Guide to being a host

Disclaimer- I do not own any aspect of Ouran Host Club including Tamaki's antics, Haruhi's obliviousness, or Kyoya's evilness. That is all. Enjoy!

Chapter 8- How to get your girl part 2

_Ohayo Mina-san, I'm Haruhi Fujioka and we'll resume where we left of last time. Tamaki-sempai, introduce yourself._

Welcome back, fellow students! Hopefully you have been successful by far, thanks to moi and my great advice! But now comes the important part! …Asking her out on a date! Any wrong tiny detail could ruin your chances with her!

_…isn't that exaggerating a little?_

No! There's only one life at chance and one must not risk it!

_You mean there's only one chance at life, right?_

Same difference! You must choose the most romantic place for the best first date!

_Shouldn't they ease into it first? Go on a casual date before going to the serious places?_

They should knock them off their feet! Give them something they weren't expecting! Thrilling! Momentous! Life changing!

_How annoying and bothersome…I would just make it easy and go with something easier to get more comfortable with the other person at first and seeing the compatibility between you two. Sometimes the best person isn't the right person. The person you may least suspect may be the right one for you._

Like the classmate next you that you never noticed! How tragic of a love to be so close yet so far?

_-muttered- Just like your common sense?-normal voice- So don't forget to consider every aspect or ignore every chance._

After that great first date, make sure not to forget to call at least two days afterwards, any more than that and you'll break your fair maiden's heart in distress! But you must not appear to eager as well! One must keep their pride but go after the prize!

_…How long did it take for you to come up with that?_

I spent all night! Isn't it great!?

_Sure, but for those who don't have great first date, don't despair. There are other opportunities. Hopefully they will consider the nervousness and accept you for that._

Or they might just reject you and put you in the trash pile...but that won't happen to you! Hahaha, just playing a joke on you!

_It's just joking._

Exactly! If you can get past this first date, the rest is easy! Never let her go and cherish her deeply! Make her feel wanted! Wanted!!

_You know…I'm going to go…that way. Bye, everyone._

Wait, Haruhi! Where are you going? –gives a teary look- My Haruhi has left me…but I will get it back just like you'll get your girl! Go my students! This all you need to know about being a prince now spread the knowledge so the world may be filled with princes not frogs! HARUHI!! WAIT!!

Grateful to be your teacher and saying goodbye for the last time,

Tamaki Suoh

--author's note--

Don't worry. Tamaki's not gone forever. He'll show up...eventually.

NinjaPower singing out!


End file.
